Strategies for Staying Calm
Stay Calm and Cycle
What a week we’ve had. Having waited so long to get my lovely dad home we only managed six days before he had to go back into hospital.
Having an ambulance arrive should be dramatic, but it has almost become normal for us.
Dad is in hospital with a different complaint, but he is still quite poorly. We are waiting for a care package to be implemented that is sufficient to keep him safe at home. It is definitely time to follow my own advice on being patient! I am mindful though, that if I am stressed, how much worse it must be for dad and my mum.
Strategies for Staying Calm
I am trying to think of strategies about how to stay calm. I’m hopeful you might be able to suggest some as this is all I can come up with.
· Mindfulness of living in the moment and not worrying too far ahead.
· Remembering to be grateful.
· Trying to look beyond my own immediate bubble of concerns.
· Acceptance. As my mum always says ‘what can’t be cured must be endured.’
· Talking things through but not obsessively so!
Concentration and Calmness
When I’m a bit stressed I find it very difficult to sit still, but I don’t manage to achieve anything very productive. I find it difficult to concentrate for long on anything and seem to spend my time up and down to the fridge - snacking! This is not good!! What I should do is try to look outside my own situation and remember to be thoughtful to others as it really does help.
This week I’ve been trying to read Ali Smith’s Summer. I always find Smith challenging. I found How to be Both quite difficult and didn’t find it easy to link the two different stories. Maybe there is no need to. Having said that I think her language is the most lyrical and powerful that I’ve read in recent years. Smith (Ali, not my Mick) always leaves me feeling very anxious about the world we inhabit. It is strange though, despite these underlying nagging concerns about climate change, Brexit and such like it is the stuff that is happening directly in our family that dominates. I wonder if other people are the same.
Cycling to Calm
The only thing I’ve managed to spend time doing this week that is all productive is some cycling. Mick and I are participating in the Help for Uganda fundraiser by contributing miles and donations to a virtual 6480-mile ride from the UK to Uganda. The purpose is to raise the necessary funds to complete the building and equipping of a school for children with sensory disabilities in Jinja, Uganda.
I've pledged to cycle 200 miles in September. I know that isn’t a huge amount, but I am discovering that try as I might it is impossible to find a route that is downhill all the way to a destination and back home again!
Our team (Deb, Fiona, Mick and I) has managed to raise 750 pounds so far and are trying to reach a thousand. Here is our charity page – all donations, however small are very welcome. #Justsaying - or as I say to amuse the kids, ‘Justsayinghashtag’
Empty Nesting Again
Both the girls are away at the minute so our house is an empty nest! Betsy is with her boyfriend, which she has been looking forward to. Annie has returned to London (after a quick visit home for her birthday. (How did we become old enough to have a 22 year old?) Annie is working for a recycling company, in between trying not to stress about her dissertation. She has been telling me how her office has a pool table, coffee bar and proper bar, which is free for employees to enjoy. That is not how I remember office environments! Thank goodness that Saint Mick (of Broughton, not Thana) is here to make the empty nesting a little easier. Our coffee bar is also free, other than the odd trip to the supermarket to buy more beans! I’m not sure drinking copious amounts of coffee will keep me calm, but I’m going to give it a try anyway!
Book Review of Ali Smith's Summer
Summer is the final book in the seasonal series that Smith has completed over the last four years. It is set in pretty much real time and traces recent social and political events such as the climate crisis, Brexit and the current pandemic. The first book in the quartet, Autumn was published in 2016, shortly after the first EU referendum .In Summer Smith is very critical about our world leaders' handling of the current crises, She begins Summer by commenting on the apathy of many people who simply accept what is happening. As such it invites personal reflection and self-criticism. Summer, is not though a book without hope. The younger generation are presented as aware, astute, intelligent and capable of instigating positive change. The question arises whether the cyncism of the world around them will become so ingrained that they will choose not to act.
Summer is the longest book in Smith's quartet. It pulls together connections between characters who feature in all the novels. Smith's texts aren't based around a tight plot, rather they are snapshots of aspects of inter-related characters' lives. In Summer we follow the lives of different groups. These characters are largely middle class and oozing intelligence. This includes siblings Sacha and Robert and their mother; we revisit the life of Art (who appeared in Winter) and Charlotte, and spend time with the ageing Daniel Gluck, a main character in Autumn.
In Smith's explorations of the characters' lives 'time' is the central theme. At different points in Summer the characters reflect philosophically on the nature of time. Robert goes as far as playing a trick on his sister by supergluing an egg timer to her arm. giving her 'time on her hand'. The speed between Smith's writing of the books and the publishing of them, adds an extra dimension to this that is never far from the reader's mind. Time isn't only explored by the characters but is an integral aspect of the writing struture.
It is incredibly difficult to pin down or pigeon hole Ali Smith's writing style. Sharp satire, whimsical exchanges, poetry and even aspects of a Greek chorus (opening the novel) pull together in a masterful tour de force. Shakespeare is frequently referred to and storylines are loosely based on aspects of his plays. Dickens features too, as do artists of the current time.
Ali Smith is without doubt a brilliant writer and a fabulous social commentator. This seasonal series will serve both as a historic record of the current turbulent times and a fine example of literary greatness.
Book Discussion Questions on Ali Smith's Summer
Discuss the siblings Sacha and Robert. To what extent is their relationship typical of a brother/sister relationship? How has their assimilation of societal values affected their views on the world?
The ideas explored in Summer (and Smith's other books) are topical and explored with force and gusto. Do you think the characters in Ali Smith's books are much more intelligent and articulate than most people you come into contact with on a daily basis? If the answer is yes, how does this affect your reading of Smith's books?
Smith is known for her satirical wit and has a cutting abiility to expose characters' flaws. (An example is Art who, despite his artistic leanings, and creative aims has had a far less noble and much duller day time job of being a squealer on artists who break copyright rules.) In Summer Art plans to cope with lockdown by sharing with Charlotte something meaningful that he witnesses each day. He puts this to her with the story of a pigeon carrying a twig in its mouth. Re-read this anecdote. What is the tone and purpose of his sharing this story? Is Ali Smith making fun of him? Do you think Art's idea is a good strategy for handling lockdown?
Is Summer a hopeful or a pessimistic book?
Who is the most interesting character in Summer. Discuss.
When Grace visits Suffolk she revisits the church where she assisted a joiner repairing a church pew. Why does Charlotte need to do this? What is the signficance of the difference between how Charlotte remembers the events and what actually happened? Is the anecdote believable?
In Summer Charlotte finds herself living with her ex-partner's Aunt Iris. Iris involves Charlotte in preparing the large rambling house they inhabit into a refuge for refugees who have been kept in a detention centre. Discuss Iris and what she symbolizes. If you have also read Winter explore how Iris and her sister Sophia are different.
Why does Charlotte barricade herself in her room in Iris' house?
Why do you think Ali Smith refrains from mentioning the pandemic in Summer specifically as Covid -19?
Sacha writes to a refugee ANHKIET who thanks her for having been in touch. Discuss the content of Sacha's postcards. What do they reveal about Sacha? What is Ali Smith saying about the refugee situation?
How is time central to Summer and also the whole series of books. How would you have responded as Robert's parent to his act of supergluing an egg timer to his sister's arm?
Daniel Gluck is described in this guardian review as being the moral centre of Summer. Is he? Discuss.
Book Club Questions on Summer (if you haven't read the book!)
Summer begins with the line 'Everybody said: so?', However, Smith quickly immediately follows this with refuting the claim and saying that millions and millions of people were vocal about climate change, immigration, poor political leadership etc. Discuss what you think is the biggest issue of today's society.
Ali Smith's series of Autumn, Winter, Spring and Summer is written over four years and pretty much follows real time. Autumn is written after the first Brexit referendum and Brexit unease and discontent is still being referred to in Summer. Discuss the longevity of the Brexit process and the consequences of it.
Ali Smith uses Art, particularly the pop art of Pauline Boty and literature, often referring to Dickens and using Shakespeare. What aspects of the Shakespeare plays that you know can be used to symbolize events unfolding in the modern world?
Whilst the books in this series don't act as sequels to one another in a traditional sense, in Summer different characters from the other books do come together to make a unified whole. The reader sees seemingly tenuous links come together into a completed picture. Are there examples from your own lives where unsurprising connections between you and others have been made?
In reviews written about Ali Smith's Summer far more attention is paid to the innovative writing style, philosophical ideas and revolutionary speed of books being published linked to real life events than that paid to actual plot. How important is a strong plotline to you in fiction?
Personal Response to Summer
Summer is an utterly amazing book, but it is a text that requires concentration. Ali Smith's writing is dense and intense. I find when I'm reading any Ali Smith, for example Smith's How to be Both, that I have two choices. I can either relish the text as a linguistic and poetic masterpiece, where the rhythms, sounds and cadences immerse and envelop me in a sensory overload, which is simultaneously both pleasurable and painful to read. When adopting this approach there is little point trying to establish too much immediate meaning from the text. The alternative is to read her books in short chunks and analyse the context, content and their significance in a fairly clinical manner. I am simply not clever enough to do both at once.
Upon completing Summer I was aware of having been part of the interconnectedness of my world to the society in Summer. of which I'm also a part. I was also aware of the interconnectedness of the characters in Summer to the other books in the quartet. I feel that this should have given me a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, but what I actually felt was a great sense of unease. Ali Smith is very convincing in her presentation of a world in utter dissaray. I was left with an overhwelming feeling of helplessness, inadequacy and to some extent, disconnect, both as a reader and a participant of society. Despite this Summer is a book that I think everyone should read.
Book Review of Alan Davies' Just Ignore Him
,Alan Davies' autobiography Just Ignore Him, focuses largely on his childhood and the trauma surrounding it. Davies' mother, of whom Davies speaks fondly, died of leukaemia when he was six years old. Davies and his brother and sister were then brought up by their father.
Davies recounts in Just Ignore Him how he was made to feel that everything that ever went wrong within the family was his fault. He describes how his brother and sister were encouraged to ignore him when he was deemed as being irritating. Davies is clearly bitter and upset about many of his childhood experiences. The reader learns that his poor relationship with his father is far more than simple disagreements or personality clashes. It is revealed that Davies was sexually abused by his father up until the age of 13.
It is the abuse that Davies receives that dominates the whole of the book. In his forties Davies step-mother gives him photographs that his father had hidden of teenage boys who look like him and he consequently makes the decision to report his father to the police as an abuser. Due to Davies' father's age and diminished mental capacity he hasn't, to date, been taken to trial.
Davies Just Ignore Him is not what a reader might expect from a showbiz autobiography. This is not least because it is so well written. At times there is an unexpected softness and tenderness to the text, especially when Davies is talking about his mother and describing what it is like when growing up in the 70s.
Davies completed some of the text as part of a creative writing course focusing on memoir writing. His intelligence, wit and honesty serves as a super backbone to the text making it a book that is well worth reading.
Book Discussion Questions on Alan Davies' Just Ignore Him
What aspects of this biography, Just Ignore Him surprised you?
Being ignored by his siblings and father is presented as a frequent act of cruelty in the book. Discuss.
Davies comments in the book how he couldn't possibly imagine hurting his own children like he has been hurt himself. Other than this his own children are seldom mentioned in Just Ignore Him. Do you think the focus of Just Ignore Him is too narrow?
Discuss the ways in which the abuse Davies suffered affected him emotionally.
How, if at all, has your view and opinion of Alan Davies changed now you have read Just Ignore Him.
During Alan Davies teenage years he frequently stole things for himself and for his friends. He even got caught. Why did Alan choose to steal? What does he reveal about himself in his recounting of these episodes?
When Alan Davies was caught stealing and reprimanded by the police his father was determined that his brother should be told. What was his father's motivation for this?
Alan Davies presents his relationshp with his mother as being perfect. Discuss.
What can be gleaned about the relationship between Alan Davies' mother and father and consequent relationship between Davies' stepmother and father?
How much sympathy do you have for the case against Alan Davies' father never going to court?
Do you respect Alan Davies for writing Just Ignore Him? Why or why not?
Bookclub Questions on Just Ignore Him (if you haven't read the book!)
Chat about any other showbiz biographies that you've read. Which titles do you recommend and why?
Whilst child abuse is more openly discussed than it used to be, it is seldom male victims who tell their story. Why do you think this is the case?
How do you think a biography that told the story of a comedian's abuse would have been received ten or fifteen years ago compared to now?
Alan Davies has been on the panel for QI for many years now. Have you watched it? Chat about the programme together.
Alan Davies's hardly mentions his showbiz career in his biography, but instead focuses almost entirely on his childhood trauma. Do you think it is possible to ever really escape your childhood experiences, whatever they might be?
Personal Response to Just Ignore Him
Throughout Just Ignore Him the hurt and anger that Davies clearly feels towards his father is never far from the surface. The writing has a rawness and urgency that pulls the reader in. Davies wears his heart on his sleeve and has shared his story with honesty and openness. It seems that in interviews promoting his book he has been unwilling to discuss the sexual abuse that he writes about. This strikes me as interesting, though not really surprising.
Just Ignore Him is a brave book as Alan Davies will, at least for some time, be now known as the comedian whose father abused him. It will, I hope help other people in similar situations speak out and confront abuse that they have suffered.
Book Review of Jenny Eclair's Older and Wider: A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause
Jenny Eclair's Older and Wider: A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause is a fun and informative read for anyone who has experienced, is experiencing, or will experience the menopause. No... let me amend that to also include anyone who knows someone who fits the above criteria.
Jenny Elcair's A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause is full of common sense, and offers practical advice about managing aspects of what our grandmothers' called 'the change'. Using a logical A to Z approach it covers all aspects of what the menopause entails and ensures that its menopausal readers know that they are not alone in what they are experiencing. Whilst I'm not a fan of the term (I don't know why) the book is a text of 'sisterhood' at its best.
As would be expected of Eclair this menopausal guide is full of wit and humour, It doesn't hold back on the expletives and adult humour. It may make some readers' hair curl, though having said that none of it is offensive, unless you happen to be Tim Henman. (It seems Eclair finds him a little dull!)
Amongst the strengths of the book is the reassuring tone and the solid advice offered. For example, Eclair, without being patronizing, tactfully warns readers to be mindful of divorcing their husbands, as part of a mid-life crisis, as they may live to regret it. (The women not the men. The men would obviously regret it!)
A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause is a book that I listened to rather than read. It is wonderful entertainment when partaking of a walk or cycle, perhaps as a means of cooling down from a hot sweat or ensuring that those middle-aged endorphines remain active.
Book Discussion Questions on Jenny Eclair's Older and Wider: A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause
What is the most single useful piece of advice in Jenny Eclair's Older and Wider: A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause?
What part of Jenny Eclair's A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause did you find the most amusing?
Was there any part of Jenny Eclair's A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause that you thought was simply wrong? What was it?
Jenny Eclair is a fan of acupuncture, but is less convinced by other 'alternative' approaches to enhancing health and well-being. Discuss.
Would you give this book to a male partner or relative? Why or why not?
Jenny Ecliar is a white middle class hetrosexual woman. She acknowledges in the book that she had some concerns whether this might be problematic to her readers. Do you think her narrative can be considered narrrow and unrepresentative of a diverse readership? Why or why not?
Jenny Eclair makes a quip about most 60 year old men resembling Toby Jugs. Is this true or fair, or is it just a joke? Does it matter if it is true?
Jenny Eclair speaks very frankly about the eating disorder that she had during her twenties. Recap and discuss what Eclair states about her illness and how she got better. Do you think treatment of the illness would be similar now to how it was thirty plus years ago?
Bookclub Questions on Older and Wider: A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause (if you haven't read the book!)
Who in your own life most needs educating about the menopause? Explain why. Will you buy them this book?
If you are a younger reader to what extent did you understand your own mother's menopause?
If you are experiencing the menopause right now what is the worst thing about it?
Have a chat about HRT and its pros and cons.
If you listen to the Older and Wider podcast you will have heard Jenny Eclair speak quite personally on ambition, wealth, family and politics. Do you think knowing a little about a writer enhances a reading of their book?
Do you think people have more knowledge about the menopause and are more willing to chat about it now than they were five or ten years ago? Do you feel comfortable freely discussing the menopause?
What does the term 'male menopause' mean to you?
Personal Response to Older and Wider: A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause
Jenny Eclair's A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause was a particularly easy listen to me, as I'm already a fan of the podcast Older and Wider, which she records with Judith Holder. Most of what Eclair said really resonated with me. That's perhaps because I'm a 51 year old woman with two grown up children and a husband I have a tendency to snap at for no particular reason! The part about empty nesting actually reminded me very much of my own blog posts on the topic of empty nesting.
If I'm honest I think I was expecting Jenny Eclair's A Survivor's Guide to the Menopause to be a little shocking, whereas it was actually very sensible and grounded. It is also very amusing. Even if learning about the menopause isn't of paramount importance to you right now this is a good listen or read. It's full of sound life advice, much of which is applicable to all ages.