Who is the Favourite Child?
(Jump to the end to evaluate the type of child you are.)
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Iām out with Saint Mick, not in Thana City in Bangkok or in Broughton, Lincolnshire.Ā I just texted both of the girls actually, (note the direction of the correspondence-me to them, not them to me), to see how they were getting on. Theyāre fine and after a lazy morning are heading for brunch before a trip to Oxford Street (courtesy of Grandmaās pocket money!) When they are away Iāve time to notice that I react quite differently emotionally to their absence. Betsy is the younger of the two, and she would readily admit a bit of a Miranda Hart type. Consequently Iām worrying that she has got to where she needs to be without incident or drama. Annie will be looking out for her, but Iām second-guessing how she will be feeling about being in loco-parentisĀ role. I am never quite sure what is going on in that head of hers! Iām feeling protective and proud towards them both equally, but for different reasons ā back to my same/same but different notion which I was wittering on about in my lastĀ post!
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I wonder if the girls perceive my different parental concerns as favouritism. Iāll have to ask them when they get back. My hunch is that Bets will think I demonstrate favouritism towards Annie by trusting her more and praising her capability. Annie, on the other hand, would be forgiven for thinking that I worry about Betsy more than I ever have done about her, so in comparison may feel she is quite neglected!
Why Kids Don't think they are the Favourite Child!
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Kids have a huge sense of what is just or unjust and I think it is this sense of not being treated fairly that is seen as central to questions of favoritism. I guess thereās a reason why the Ā āitās not fairā phrase never goes out of fashion. Of course, being a favourite child applies to offspring of all ages and times. Think of poor old Cordelia in King Lear – her situation really isnāt fair. Just because she wonāt suck up to Lear she gets exiled from the whole kingdom. Talk about losing āfavourite childā status in style!
I think that there is a bit of a chicken and egg concept at play when exploring whether and why favouritism exists in parental attitudes to siblings. Is it the offspringās behaviour that determines whether they are the favourite or does the favouritism (be it real or perceived) stem from inconsistencies in parenting?
What Kind of Child are You? - Humour!
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The WhirlwindĀ – The status of the āwhirlwindā can only really be achieved in late middle age. The Whirlwind generally does not live close to home; their visits are sparse but enthusiastically executed. The whirlwindās visit is a flurry of organising, tidying, cleaning, planning and treat giving. Much is achieved in a Whirlwindās weekend visit and parents are left full of gratitude, but slightly shell-shocked. In all honesty, parents are not sorry to wave off the Whirlwind, though do enjoy sharing all that has been accomplished in a boastful manner with neighbours and friends.
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The Plant PotĀ – The Plant pot is almost the polar opposite of the Whirlwind. When they visit they plonk down on the sofa, comment on dust on the TV stand or wherever it may be, and expect to be fed, watered, sheltered and spoken gently to for the duration of their stay. They thrive under these care conditions, but ironically the parents being visited donāt.
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The Well-MeaningĀ But MisguidedĀ – The Well-Meaning But Misguidedās intentions are sound, but they are unlikely to achieve favourite status. The Well-Meaning is full of positive and helpful suggestions for how to do things differently and better (i.e, their own way). This ranges from how to hang the washing out, to what to buy at the supermarket, to where to position the sofa. These suggestions are usually good ideas but not always well received. The Well-Meaningās But Miguidedās nickname, used by the parent in their absence is the āKnobby-Know-Allā.
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The Egg SuckerĀ – The Egg Sucker is likely to be in their early twenties and be entering a new phase of financial security and independence. Their skillset includes giving advice on everything from marital relationships, to how to cook dinner, to how they themselves could have been brought up better. The irony of this is usually lost on the Egg Sucker, but not the parent. The Egg Sucker can be extremely irritating Ā
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The SpongeĀ ā the Sponge, otherwise known as the Pacifier, knows more gossip about the parentās friends and neighbours than they themselves do, due to endless hours of being talked to. If The Sponge has a qualification in Counselling and can appropriately add questions to the conversation, such asĀ āHow does that make you feel?ā their title changes toĀ The Listener.Ā The Spongeās visits provide a valuable outlet enabling parents to vent. The Sponge often feels saturated and needs to wring out after visiting their parents.
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The ClownĀ – The Clown sees their role in the family to entertain their parents. They are not above performing a bit of a show, song or dance even when in their late middle-age. This causes concern amongst parents who often question post-visit, if the changeling child really belongs to them.
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The HelperĀ – The Helper has very good intentions and hovers around as parents prepare drinks and meals and offers to help. The Helperās weakness tends to be that they think parents are incapable of doing all the every day activities that they complete all the time the Helper isnāt there. The Helper can be known to overstep the mark causing both confusion and offence when stepping unintentionally into Critic or Whirlwind mode.
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The Iām Gonna Soon –Ā The Iām Gonna Soon has a deep need to impress their parents and isnāt above a bit of exaggeration when talking about their accomplishments or achievements. For example, the Iām Gonna Soon would equate modest sales to the likelihood of becoming the next J.K Rowling. The Iām Goona Soon has been known to present themselves as The Helper and frequently offers to do tasks around their parentsā house. Sadly though, this never gets beyond the discussion stage.Ā
Iām obviously joking with the above stereotypes, but now Iāve created them Iām afeared I fit some of the more negative ones. Yikes! Thank goodness that sibling rivalry doesnāt really seem a thing with my own kids and that their ādaughterā behaviour is exemplary (most of the time!). I should finish by saying that I DEFINITELY DO NOT have a favourite ā Same/Same but different is my motto. I will check this post with a fine toothcomb to make sure that praise and possible insults have been dished out exactly equally! However, girls, if you are reading and do fancy just getting ahead on the āfavouritismā stakes Iād be quite happy for the odd touch of The Whirlwind added to a glug of The Listener. I definitely donāt need any of The Critic though ā stay well clear of that one!
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