Missing your Partner
Missing your Boyfriend or Husband
The Flint and the Flint Smith ladies are all without their men! Dad is in a carehome with a broken leg in pot. This is particularly hard on my mum as she can't even visit him now. Mick is over in Bangkok overseeing online learning at school. He isn't allowed to travel in case the schools suddenly open. This is, in my opinion, utterly rubbish. Betsy's boyfriend is down in Dagenham. As an 'at risk youngster' he wasn't able to travel to spend her birthday with her as planned, so that was a blow for them. Finally, we dragged Annie away from Spain, wanting her to be back here and quarantined with the family, Poor old Annie, what with leaving Bangkok, then London and now Spain she seems to spend most of her life saying, if not goodbye, at least farewell to special people in her life. :(
So, all in all, you would expect us to be rather gloomy. We all do have our down moments, but overall we are doing pretty well at staying positive.
Ways to Deal with Missing your Significant Other
These are our tips for keeping our spirits up:
Communicate Frequently. The Flint and Flint Smith ladies are all doing this as far as we are able. As I mentioned, it is much harder for mum and dad than the rest of us. Dad's sight is too poor for him to easily use a phone and the carers are in the home are very busy, so we don't want to be a nuisance by continually taking the careworkers away from the residents. I am able to ring Mick. I like to chat whilst I am doing my daily 'isolated' walk. This is heading towards Mick's headtime where he is very ready for some interaction after a day of isolation in Bangkok. The girls, communicate late into the night. Their communication techniques are far more advanced than ours and include playing online games, watching shared films and series as well as good old fashioned chatting.
Complete Tasks. This is something that I try to do anyway when feeling anxious and the current situation is certainly anxiety inducing. In our household we have our days divided up into 'tasks' time and 'chilling out' time. (Betsy hates the word 'jobs', but that's what 'tasks' are!) and goals. Our jobs include regular day-t0-day stuff like washing, hoovering, folding laundry etc. (but the iron has NOT been out!). In addition Annie has been keeping busy by painting the fence and garden bench, I've sorted out the garage and Betsy has become a dab-hand at bathroom cleaning! We have all agreed to be mindful that tasks do need doing so as to live harmoniously together!
Remember to be Grateful and Kind. In recent times it has felt, occasionally, that the cards are stacked against the Flints and Flint Smiths. There is, though, a lot to be grateful for. We ladies, at least, can be together; Dad is being well-cared for; the weather is good so we are not completely confined to the house, but can get out in the garden. There's loads more things too. My strategy is to write three different things down every morning which sets the day off positively.
Take a Challenge. I like nothing better than ticking things off a list and tracking my achievements, however small they might be. (I've been doing the Goodreads Reading Challenge for several years now and it still gives me a thrill when I complete it.) Annie has a similar mindset to me regarding challenges. She has made a 'goal calendar for April where we tick off daily the things we accomplish. My own goals are to improve on the piano, do some exercise and either read or blog daily. Betsy has also 'allowed' her name to be added to the April challenge, but I'm not so sure that it is quite her thing. 'Lists' are another one of her taboo words along with 'jobs' and this particular challenge does include an element of ticking off and recording what we've done.
Try to Avoid Over-Worrying. When apart from a loved one it is very easy to focus on them all of the time. This, of course, makes sense and is fine to a point, but it can be anxiety inducing. I am quite a fan (in principle at least, though it doesn't always work in practice) of using Cognitive Therapy Techniques to manage worry. It helps to phrase events as positively as possible. Instead of thinking "we will never be together again," it is, perhaps, more helpful to rephrase to something like "there will be an end to this situation and we can look forward to being back together."
Accept your Sadness. Whislt there is lots that we can do to distract ourselves, fill the time and channel our negative feelings as positively as possible we are still sad to be apart from our loved ones. I'm a believer in transparency in all parts of life, "better out than in" is something I often say. I think being mindful that it is fine to feel sad and to express sadness is a good thing to be. A good cry is cathartic and 'getting the sadness out' will make it easier to stay positive for the majority of the time.
Do Something Romantic. Being apart doesn't mean that you can't still indulge in a bit of romance. My mum, for example wrote my dad a letter for one of the careworkers to read to him in the home last week. I thought this was a very speical thing to do. There's something lovely about receiving n old-fashioned card or letter. Being romantic doesn't mean you have to 'splash the cash' but if you're feeling extravagent then why not. Judging by the review Mick wrote here, I can tell that he was very happy to have a special anniversary gift last week!
Stand by your Man and Tell the World you Love Him
I once heard Tammy Wynette saying she has spend a lifetime of defending the song 'Stand by her Man' to feminists. I am a feminist and to be honest her defence of the song doesn't help her case! I do like the song though, and choose to interpret it along the lines of if you've got a 'good guy' in your life then what's wrong with shouting out that fact of the rooftops. (Perhaps that's because I'm always talking about Saint Mick of Thana). Absence, it has been said, makes the heart grow fonder. There is no doubt that our hearts are full of fondness right now. Perhaps you are also missing a partner. What strategies do you have for managing time apart from a loved one?