Seven Pints Sam. Seven Pints Sam can usually be found, along with Whiskey Chaser Brian propping up the local bar several nights a week. He is known as ‘not being short of an opinion.’ Whilst not going quite as far as to denying the existence of Corona Virus, Sam feels that most things can be cured with a pat on the back. He thinks that most of what is written is ‘utter nonsense’. Sam claims to have a good immune system so therefore thinks it is fine to visit his local supermarket daily and ignore the social isolation rules. Sam tuts at any sign which mentions the ‘two metre’ rule and says that he only deals in old money. He reluctantly stands ‘six feet’ away from the next customer. Seven Pints Sam is considered by some, to not be an intelligent man, but who knows what his back story is. Reading back, he reminds me just a little bit like Fredrik Backman’s A Man Called Ove.
 
Black Coffee Brenda. Brenda likes nothing more than a walk round a car boot sale or a mooch through the jumble at a coffee morning. She is a pillar of the community and despite recent cancellation of bingo sessions, afternoon dances and meatboard sales she is keeping busy ensuring the elderly are catered and cared for during these difficult times.. In fact, Brenda has never been busier; this is a good thing as Brenda hates to be bored. Just this week she has been volunteering to fetch groceries for the over seventies and chatting to people from a safe two metres distance. There is no doubt that Brenda is a good sort and the eighteen cups of coffee she drinks a day keep her bright, alert and chipper. Some neighbours and friends do question her need to promote her own good deeds on facebook quite as frequently as she does. In addition, the jury is still out as to actually called the local evening telegraph to do a ‘local heroes’ interview with her. We all need a Black Coffee Brenda in our lives.
 
Proscecco Guzzling Petra. Petra is someone I feel really sorry for right now as she is struggling to manage her anxiety. She is terrified of catching Corona Virus, so is strictly adhering to the guidelines of self isolation. It is for this reason that Petra sent her husband Pete to Aldi to buy up the whole bottom shelf of wine. Petra was afraid to venture outside and was sensible in following the guidelines of not making unnecessary trips to the shops, but Pete has now been banished to the shed in quarantine for the next fourteen days. Petra is leaving food outside of the shed door and is being innovative in the kitchen. She has learned to make a variety of proscecco-based sorbets and breakfast smoothies. As these items are considered food she can and does eat them in large quantities, without breaking her rule of not drinking prior to ten o’clock a.m.
 
Two Sugars Please Tim. Tim is arguably more sensible than Proscecco Guzzling Petra. Tim knows that running out of sweeteners for his favourite drink, a cup of tea, doesn’t justify a trip to the shops. He is using sugar instead. Tim is a generous type and is willing to forgo his daily exercise slot in order that those more in need, such as Lucozade Loving Len can take exercise twice daily (Someone needs to tell Len this fact). Tim doesn’t like wearing lycra but does enjoy wearing grey sweat pants whilst eating biscuits and cake. Tim is gaining weight rapidly, but thinks in the grand scale of things it doesn’t really matter. Tim will regret this mindset if he is able to go on his eighteen/thirty holiday to Lanzarote in June. Tim is actually thirty-two and feels that the holiday may be his less chance at finding love. Tim should be aware that is unlikely that he will be able to travel so may as well enjoy eating cake.
 
Vodka Vera. Before the Corona Virus Crisis Vodka Vera could sometimes be found chatting to Prosccco Guzzling Petra over the garden fence. They even went to the same church and used to take it in turns to top up the communion wine. The communion wine never seemed to last long, but no one really knows why. Vera hasn’t been seen in pubilc at all since the Corona Virus outbreak. Black Coffee Brenda has been asking around though and has heard a rumour has Vodka Vera has gone to stay with her grown up children, who have grasped this opportunity to ‘dry her out’. This is likely to be confirmed later by Vera later today whose head is clear enough, for the first time in months, for her to venture onto social media without a fear of what she might write whilst ‘under the influence’. Vera has been successfully managing her anxiety by spending the days completing colouring activities with her grandchildren. As the days pass by Vodka Vera is getting much better at staying between the lines. She may soon be allowed to have a pair of child safety scissors to help her grandchildren complete their online learning tasks.
 
Diet Coke Dan. The truth is that Diet Coke Dan is addicted to both diet and regular coke. He can easily distinguish between Coke, Pepsi and the lesser known brands. Whilst his favourite tipple is Pepsi Max he is prepared to drink any and all of them. Diet Coke Dan is also prepared to go to any lengths to acquire supplies. Although signed up to online for shopping at Waitrose, Sainsburys, Tescos, Morrisons and Lidl he is unable to wait six weeks for the next home delivery slots so plans to to mask-up and take a tour of the supermarkets to make some essential purchases. Dan does have a social conscience and knows that this isn’t strictly adhering to the rules of Corona Virus induced shopping guidelines, so he is compensating for by adding rum to his coke during his evening tipple. This, he states, will make his wrongly procured coke supplies last longer. A responsible, conscientious and caring Dad, Dan has helped his children complete online Science learning by completing the ‘soak a tooth in coke’ experiment, thus demonstrating to them the dangers of drinking too much coke. He personally helped his young son extract a tooth for this and has put a lock on the kitchen cupboard door where the cokes are kept, so that the kids won’t be tempted to drink too much.

Lucozade Loving Len is secretly quite pleased at currently having to work from home. As an Estate Agent business is slack and he has plenty of time to focus on his passion for health and fitness. Lycra-d up to the hilts, Len can be seen indulging his hobbies of running and cycling and flexing his muscles (not necessarily in that order) as he powers around the village in his designer Adidas trainers. Although of optimum physical perfection with a six pack that would be coveted by Two Sugars Please Tim, Len isn’t always as upstanding as his physique is tall. He has been known to cheat on the recently imposed once a day exercise rule, but is confident that he will escape from being caught on camera by overhead drones or passing police. Despite his running pants matching the lucozade he loves to drink, the speed at which he moves means that if you blink then you are likely to miss him.
 
I better stop being silly .. Me. I’m quite keen on a latte, but I identify with aspects of all of my drinkers!